About the fear of starting something new

About the fear of starting on something new – This is Collecting Freckles

How about starting this blog with a post that explains (first and foremost to me) why on earth it is so hard to start something new. Well, before I begin: This is Collecting Freckles, a freshly launched blog – and this is a journey. This is my journey and maybe – maybe it will grow into something, that adds some value whilst you spend your time on the internet.

Let me put in a nutshell what the idea of Collecting Freckles is

This blog is not the start of everything, but a thought that I have been carrying in the back of my head for a several years. A thought that is shaping into something achievable. This blog is a medium that will share parts of it. A journey – starting before it begins.

Many people go on a world trip and share amazing pictures, start to blog and vlog to keep in touch with family and friends and share their experiences and adventures they had in the big world. South-East Asia is a thing, so I’ve heard. Anyways. I have the same plan – to travel the world. To get myself some adventure. I am curious and driven to see and experience what’s behind the horizon. Holy moly – I sound like a true traveler. Already!

You might have sensed some irony and I did not put anything in a nutshell yet. Let me try again. Who would have thought blogging is so hard!

I plan to travel the world. This blog is about everything I will learn along the way. Starting before I even hit any road. Because, let’s be real, I will be sitting around watching documentaries, reading books and blogs, consuming vlogs and articles in various magazines for quite some time. Scribbling along the way in my digital notebook. And why not start to share it now. (Does the shell of a coconut count? Well – you have read it. So I guess it’s a yes.)

Planning is one thing, but getting started is a whole new level of seriousness

Why starting something new terrifies me

You get the Idea. Nothing extraordinary, nothing fancy. Not even sure whether there is someone, who will have interest in it anyways. But why is it than that I’m so tense about this first post on my blog. Why is it, that dreaming about something and planning it is one thing, but when it gets real – as real as setting up a first real blog post on my own website – it’s making me anxious and afraid? Well I guess I am a big chicken.

Blogging means putting myself out there – and that gives me chills

I put myself out there. I start to publish things I am dreaming about for years now and I don’t want to be judged or laughed at. I don’t want to have the obligation to anyone to justify myself or my decisions – towards anyone but myself. Writing this first post and pressing “publish” is nothing that can’t be undone. But creating a channel is also about vulnerability and it’s about opening up. To someone I might know or (and I don’t know whether that is better or worse) to someone I don’t know. To someone I’ll probably never meet. To someone like you, who is reading this post. It feels big. Way out of my comfort zone, I can’t help it.

Thinking about it – and testifying it by writing it down – it’s (again) nothing extraordinary, nothing fancy to put myself out there. Nothing that I don’t do almost every single day. The audience might be different. It might be not as selected as in day to day life. It might be a little surreal though. So, hey you! Nice to meet you. Be my guest. Share your thoughts, give me your opinion. I will appreciate it and thank you in advance! Let’s just try to make it cozy here. I would very much like that!

Beginning does not imply to get it perfect right away – The panic of making mistakes

I am a perfectionist. What’s is the estimated world population of perfectionists? Maybe I am one and I am trying to get rid of it. The truth lies somewhere in between. I like to create things as I envision them. I can’t stop till everything just feels right. For instance when I am drawing or designing something. But there are many aspects of my life I am SO NOT a perfectionist. I can start and run a chaos like a business. Not that I have much experience in starting businesses – but for handling chaos I gained some skills.

The question is: why am I so eager to try to make a perfect first impression here?

Because I care.
Because I don’t want to mess this up. This is something that is likely to grow as part of my dream. This will be a space where I will be reflecting my thoughts and experiences.

I wrote three posts and rewrote them three times. I made 100 lists about what has to be done before I can upload the first real post. (You might not be aware of it yet – Lists are kind of my thing.) I wanted to start my whole blogging experience with something that feels right.

I wanted a nice logo and a cool theme and all my colors set. All my plugins installed and everything fixed and looking like the blog I have envisioned. Chic and fresh, not too serious and fun to read. I wanted a style, something that would give the whole thing a certain character. Everything.

My point is: Till I will have achieved that, a lot of time will pass and nothing will happen. As long as I am waiting and working for the right moment to first publish a post I will reach no one. Neither get a comment, nor a feedback.

The first lesson blogging has taught me – Saying “Hello world!” is not for chickens

Well, this post is my first blogging experience – The first step, but always one at a time.

I won’t have fun writing if I try to force myself into something I don’t enjoy. Being scared I don’t enjoy. Trying too hard I don’t enjoy.

Well, I guess, lesson learned in a very early stage. I am pretty sure that I will have to remind myself with every other post – over and over again. Because I tend to forget my own short glances of wisdom. Good thing that’s now here, written for internet-eternity.

Or more likely: Every time I will put myself out there – to reach you, the fear will probably tickle again. So make yourself less scary and say hello in the comments 🙂

x Sanni

Hi there!

I'm collecting freckles all over the world. My passion is sailing. I've quit my job to sail full time and cross oceans. I will share my experiences with you.

Welcome aboard!

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